PAXTON SNAKE

GOBBLE POWER. DODGE ACCOUNTABILITY.
CASH GRABBED $0
PUBLIC TRUST
He grows by eating
everything that was
supposed to stop him.
arrows / WASD to steer
© 2026 REAL RECORD, FAKE GAME
every pickup is real. sources below.
▼ THE RAP SHEET ▼
LEVEL SELECT — THE PUBLIC RECORD

THE RAP SHEET

The game is satire. The pickups are not. Every item the snake eats is drawn from Ken Paxton's public record — indicted, impeached, reported to the FBI by his own staff, and ordered to pay millions to the whistleblowers he fired.

JUL 2015

Indicted on felony securities fraud charges

A Texas grand jury indicted Paxton on three felony counts. He stayed under indictment for nearly nine years while serving as the state's top law-enforcement officer, until a 2024 pre-trial deal ended the case: roughly $271,000 in restitution, 200 hours of community service, and legal-ethics classes — with no admission of wrongdoing.

PBS NewsHour →
OCT 2020

His own top deputies reported him to the FBI

Eight senior officials in Paxton's office — his handpicked team — accused him of bribery and abuse of office to benefit a campaign donor. The whistleblowers were fired and sued under the Texas Whistleblower Act.

The Texas Tribune →
MAY 2023

Impeached by the Texas House, 121–23

A Republican-led House impeached him on 20 articles, including bribery, abuse of public trust, and misuse of official power. The Texas Senate acquitted him that September.

Texas Monthly →
APR 2025

Ordered to pay $6.6 million to the whistleblowers

A judge ruled Paxton's office violated the Texas Whistleblower Act and awarded $6.6 million to the four fired deputies. Paxton called the judgment "ridiculous," appealed, then dropped the appeal in July 2025. The bill lands on Texas taxpayers.

WFAA →
NOVEMBER 3, 2026 — CHOOSE YOUR PLAYER

FINAL SCORE

KEN PAXTON
FELONY INDICTMENT COUNTS3
YEARS UNDER INDICTMENT8+
IMPEACHMENT ARTICLES20
DEPUTIES WHO WENT TO FBI8
WHISTLEBLOWER JUDGMENT$6,600,000
JAMES TALARICO
FELONY INDICTMENT COUNTS0
YEARS UNDER INDICTMENT0
IMPEACHMENT ARTICLES0
DEPUTIES WHO WENT TO FBI0
DAY JOB BEFORE POLITICSTEACHER
EXIT THE ARCADE

Texas deserves better
than a snake game.

James Talarico is a former middle-school teacher and four-term state representative from Austin. He won the Democratic nomination in March 2026 and is running on public schools, lower costs, and restoring basic trust in the office — the thing the snake keeps eating.

Teacher firstTaught middle school on San Antonio's West Side before ever running for office.
Wins tough roomsRepeatedly elected in a competitive district; known for making his case to voters who disagree.
Record supportHis Senate run raised over $27 million in a single quarter — the most of any Senate campaign ever for that period.

Election Day is Tuesday, November 3, 2026. Texas voter registration closes Monday, October 5, 2026 — 30 days before the election.